Six Inches

Heart Attack!

I guess it makes sense when you think about it. We spend most of our lives being broken, hurt, and lied to. So along comes a God with promises, and we welcome him with closed arms and walled hearts. Our defenses are up, and I guess maybe we have a right to be skeptical. After all, if it seems to good to be true it has to be right? Some of us may not want to admit it, but trusting God is something we really struggle with. We have pain we can't explain, and fears that seem really big. Throw some of our own daddy issues on top of that and a God who calls himself father isn't really the easiest to sell out for. He asks for our heart, but it is broken and we have already given away too many pieces of it, so instead we give him our head. 

Heads up!

I have a lot of useless facts in my head. Did you know most car horns honk in the key of F? Or that the average person falls asleep in 7 minutes? Guess I'm just above average. Also all polar bears are left handed.... Anyway! The point is there is a lot of information up there. There are some useful things up there too, I promise. But let's just think about those facts for a second... Are they life changing? I mean maybe you will strike up a tune in F every time someone honks their horn, try to beat the national average for falling asleep, and if left-handed, decide that a polar bear is your new spirit animal. But if you do...you are weird. 

The point is, we all know a lot of things. But only if you believe something does it change how you live. 

You know that you should look both ways before crossing because you believe that getting hit by a car would seriously suck. 

You know that you stink because you haven't showered in three days, and you shower because you believe that you're about to go to that concert and the girl you're standing next to might be cute!

You know that stop signs with white lines around the outside are optional and so you drive right through them.

 When you believe something, it changes everything. Your habits, your choices, and even your hygiene. 

P.S. Stop signs are never optional.... That was a joke.... just for the record.

So do you really believe God? 

Christians know a lot about God. But maybe we don't believe as much as we think we do. 

I will use myself as an example because frankly I am a great one. 

God says he has forgiven me, but my past mistakes and failures are on constant playback.

God says he is always with me, but my first question when things go wrong is "God where are you?"

God says he is the only thing that can satisfy me, but I keep looking somewhere else. 

God says that time with him is what I should prioritize. And I will! Just one more episode on Netflix!

God says that he chose me because he loved me, but I keep trying to earn my salvation.

God says... and I guess I just don't believe him. 

Sound familiar? 

The longest yard... no foot... OK, six inches. 

I really want to believe God. I know it is all true, but life gets real and I find myself making decisions as if  I don't believe. I doubt, question, and reason my way around what I know is true so that I won't have to change the way I live. I'm tired of this head knowledge. I want it to sink into my heart. The problem is... how does that work?
Read more, pray more, screw up less? That's the opposite of the gospel!

It seems that the gap between the head and the heart is the most difficult six inch journey on the planet.

Waiting....

I hate not being able to fix my problems by myself. But the more I think about this gap between my head and heart, the more I realize that there is nothing I can do. 

Romans 12:3 puts faith in the right perspective:

"For by the grace given to me, I say to everyone:

Don't think of yourself more highly than you should.

But think of yourself with good judgement, 

According to the amount of faith God has given you." 

So basically, I need to get over myself. I can't create faith in myself. It has always been a gift from God I didn't deserve.  But I don't think that means doing nothing either. Maybe we should just wait. This video (by Matt Chandler) has been helpful for me. I hope it is for you:

Link if that video doesn't work

#SixInches

So here we are, waiting on the Lord. Hoping in the Lord. Trusting in the Lord. How do we wait well?

I don't have the answers, but together maybe we have some of them.

How do you wait well? How do you approach the longest six inches? How do you position yourself underneath "the waterfall of grace"?

I would love for your feedback, advice, and wisdom.
Comment below or,

Tweet or Facebook your thoughts with #SixInches

Let's wait well together.

"Therefore, since we are surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses,

let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely.

And let us run with endurance the race set before us.

Fixing our eyes on Jesus: the author and perfecter of our faith, 

who for the joy set before him endured the cross, 

despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of God."

-Hebrews 12:2

S.D.G

Where the Spirit of the Lord is....

This past weekend, I did stuff. 

Pretty awesome stuff if I might say so myself. Last Thursday, I packed my bags, hopped in a car and drove down to Lynchburg, Virginia. The average American probably has no clue where Lynchburg is, and to be honest without my trusty smart phone I wouldn't have made it either. 

In Lynchburg, I had one of the most life changing weekends of my entire life. My perspective was shifted, and like Abraham in Genesis 15, God brought me out of my tent and into the starlight. 

Sooooo what were you doing in Lynchburg?

Well actually I was there for a college visit. Wait! Don't close the tab or hit the back button! I promise it gets better! I was visiting Liberty University. 

Unfortunately, some of you are probably in the same situation I was in earlier this summer- Not having a clue what Liberty University was. 

Liberty University is a Christian College whose motto is "Training Champions for Christ since 1971". It is actually the largest Christian University in the world. 

I have never been a huge fan of the concept of Christian higher education. It was too hypocritical. 

It seemed to embrace mediocrity. It was shallow, empty, and pointless. 

But this summer at Band Camp...

I'm kidding. I was never in band, but that just felt right. Instead, this summer I went to Summit (an apologetic conference) at Bryan College. I had the privilege to spend two weeks with Christians who took education seriously, on a Christian campus that took education seriously. All of a sudden, I found myself slightly interested in a college like this. Then I met those Liberty people. You can spot them from across a room. And if they spot each other... well you can be sure a spontaneous chant will occur. They seemed to love their school.... ok seriously who actually loves their school? What was wrong with these people? I left Summit intrigued, and eventually decided to check into it. Upon finding my program and deciding I could probably get some scholarships, I decided to apply. I know, I know, you all wish you made as spiritual of decisions as that one. Then I was invited to visit Liberty for a weekend, for the aptly named "College For A Weekend". So I did. I packed my bags and went.

That's where things started to get weird.

As I checked in, and glanced around there were smiling people everywhere. It was actually kind of creepy. You know, the good kind of creepy. Then came my dorm mates. I was crashing a two person dorm room and taking their valuable space for three days. I would have been annoyed if I were them. Instead they moved things around, welcomed me in, asked me about myself and my plans, and offered to show me around. I skeptically agreed, assuming that everyone was putting on their best face for the interested kid.... typical. 

The next morning, we were told we had to go to some thing called Convocation. The picture I had in my mind was like a few praise songs, a "Jesus loves You! Go get good grades!", and that everyone would be on their way. I was wrong. 

Stop Everything! This is Everything!

Convocation brought Liberty campus to a screeching halt. 

But this stop had a purpose. Everyone and their mother crowded into the Vines Center (no literally there were mothers there I promise), found their seat or standing room, and slowly grew silent. Then Liberty University worshiped God. If that sentence doesn't shock you, read it a few more times. Coming from a secular university I was overwhelmed. This doesn't happen. This should not be happening. As the singing concluded I had to brush a tear from my eye as I felt the Spirit move. #ThingsChristiansSay  But for real. A man stood up and walked to the front of the stage. His words summarized everything my heart wanted to scream: "This is what it's all about."

After some words, and more praise, Liberty walked back out of the Vines Center. And they knew what it was all about. 

It didn't end there.

In every advising session, every late night burger run, every conversation, I found a campus united in purpose, united in vision, united in Christ. As I heard Christian music, and saw prayer circles as the football players warmed up for the big game, I had to ask the person next to me..."How do you get used to this? This is weird man."

Football games don't have Christian warm-up music! You play "Turn Down for What?" or "Amazing" by Kanye West. And maybe a couple people pray, but the whole team? And now the other team is doing it too! It's contagious! We've got to get out of here!

But in all seriousness, Liberty was serious!

Why so serious?

Serious about football, serious about academics, serious about worship, and serious about Jesus. And now that I look at it, that is the way it should be.

"He is before all things,

And in him, all things hold together"

-Colossians 1:17

Jesus is Lord over all things. Over football, your psychology class, your worship time, your dorm life, your family, your pain, your circumstances. If we are serious about Jesus, then we should be serious about everything else too! Liberty made that real for me. I saw the gospel infuse the parts of college life I never thought it could. I saw the commitment to excellence that many Christian organizations throw aside. I saw God.

So it's got Jesus stamped on everything..So what?

It's true. A lot of people claim Jesus, and a lot of them don't live like him. Putting Jesus's name on everything doesn't mean much. "But some of them don't live it!" you say. That's fair, but neither do I! Apart from grace we are all hypocrites. Our righteousness is like filthy rags...bloody menstrual garments if you want to go all Greek with it.Yea I know that is gross... but so is us trying to act like we can get it together. 

So no, not everyone is living it, at Liberty or anywhere on this earth. All I can say is what I felt, and what I saw, and what I experienced. And to wrap it all up in a nice, scriptural burrito:

"The Lord is the Spirit,

And where the Spirit of the Lord is....

There is LIBERTY. "

-2 Corinthians 3:17

Liberty Website

Is There Healing for this Broken Heart?

I Too,  Have a Dream

or 

Is There Healing for this Broken Heart?

I too, have a dream. It lurks just below the surface of my conscience, where my mind dares not often go. My dream is like a wild horse tied in a stable, a warrior bed-ridden, a mighty man bound in shackles and chains.. It cries “Freedom!” but remains in bondage.
Its beauty is unparalleled, its strength unrivaled, its wildness intoxicating.

It is a dream of revival and purpose, of passion and redemption. 

A dream where amid the trials I know I am his possession.

A dream of absolute confidence in a love unshakable.

A dream of believing that his mercy is truly unchangeable.

A dream of a greater calling, joining the redemption story. 

A dream of a life living fanatically for his glory.

A dream where my addictions, abuse, and anger fade away.

A dream where I  finally feel something when I pray.

A dream in which my life is devoted to a cause greater than myself. 

A dream where justice, freedom, and passion swell.

A dream in which my own inadequacy is forgotten, and God’s grace is my all. 

A dream of a life consumed by the gospel.

Oh, to be Wild at Heart, to love deeply, and to seek God desperately. 

Even as these words spill onto paper, the wild horse tenses each muscle, the warrior sharpens his sword, and the strong man strains at his bonds. Is today the day? Will my dream become reality? Not today.

This dream screams danger to my soul. In its ravishing beauty it brings cold chills to my heart. It is simultaneously my deepest craving and my darkest fear.
To be that which I am not. To feel that which I do not. It cannot be. I cannot be.

My dream remains bound by fear, doubt and uncertainty. 

Can I really love deeply, and feel emotionally, or will such healing not be realized this side of heaven?

These thoughts arise when I pull back the curtains for just a glimpse of my dream. The sight of this wild, beautiful, and dangerous faith evokes more questions than I can answer. So the dream waits, hoping that one day it can shake out its mane, draw its sword, and break its chains. I long to set it free, I long for a place in which that identity is mine. But for now I wait.

Someday, I am promised, He will trade "beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for heaviness" (1). Til then, I hope and expect to see his goodness "in the land of the living." (2)

Perhaps, the stallion even now is loosed, and begins to take its first steps in freedom. By chance, even the warrior might have left his bed, and donned his armor. Oh my hope, that the strong man has been loosed from his chains. 

Perhaps my dream is waiting to be freed? 

Or maybe, just maybe, my life is becoming my dream.

"Who the Son sets free is free indeed." (3)  

Perhaps it is time I believed? 

Today I can embrace that I am a "new creation" (4) and am truly free from everything but God's possession. Free from my sin, my shame, my addictions, my lust, my guilt, my past, my future, and my fears. All lays conquered at the foot of the cross. This fear and doubt, this refusal to live free is more than a bad habit. It is sin. 

If I doubt my freedom, I doubt the adequacy of the cross. 

Thank God for his mercy. Today I will live free.

Tomorrow I may forget, but his grace is enough.

Now then brothers and sisters stand firm. For freedom he set us free. We must not submit again to the bondage of sin. (5)

As Dr. King said long ago, "Let Freedom Ring."

(1) Isaiah 61:3

(2) Psalm 27:13

(3) John 8:36
(4) 2 Corinthians 5:17

(5) Galatians 5:1

Until Lambs Become Lions

Rise and Rise Again, Until Lambs Become Lions

I was recently watching the 2010 Movie "Robin Hood", and was struck by the quote that has become the title of this post: "Rise and Rise Again, Until Lambs Become Lions."
In the days that followed it echoed in my mind. 

To Rise,

You must be down. And to be honest, down is where we frequently find ourselves, where I frequently find myself. Fallen down, beaten down, weighed down, broken down, thrown down, sitting down, down.

Each day we walk through a world that adds to the weight on our backs, the shame on our hearts, and the questions on our mind. Our fallen nature is everywhere.

We are the addicted who told God we would never look at porn again and have failed again. We are the teen throwing up and starving themselves to finally be beautiful again. We are the mother, who is covered in shame for the abortion she can't take back. 

We are the slave, beaten, raped, and abused to please the powerful.

We are the empty looking for fulfillment in sex, money, and drugs. 

We are are the orphan crying for a mother and father, for love. 

We are the murderer, the thief, the prostitute. Who are we?

We are the Lambs.

And Rise Again?

So we fall, and fall again. We reach the end of our rope, the last of our strength, and the final drops of our joy. Rise again? 

I often get to a point where I am tired of getting up. My best efforts to rise again seem exhausting at best, and at their worst, worthless. Isaiah confirms my fears.

"But we are all as an unclean thing,

Our righteousness is like filthy rags..."

- Isaiah 64:6a

Surprisingly I find that I am extremely comfortable with that. I understand filthy and unclean. My guilt is familiar, shame my friend, and grace and freedom frightening and strange. In this inadequate state I refuse to rise again. But my soul screams that I don't belong here. Rise again?

And Again,

I remember that we are the Lambs, and that we have a Shepherd. He did not promise us it would be easy, in fact he told us this world would hate us. But in the middle of this war against our souls he makes a promise:

"...I am with you always, 

to the very end of the Age."

-Matthew 28:20b

As the battle of each new day rages on it tries to take away all that we have and replace it with shame, guilt, pain and fear. But the promise rings out like the trumpet above the roar of battle: Our Shepherd is with us. All he asks is that we give him our life.  We can stay down... or grab his hand rise again.

Until Lambs Become Lions. 

The glory of that promise seems to quickly dim as we look around. Pain, disease and death continue. The powerful prey on the weak, the innocent are killed, the abused cry themselves to sleep. Too quickly we stumble and fall once more. In the words of Winston Churchill as his nation faced injustice, evil, and fear, I ask you to  "Never, Never, Never Give Up."

The days that it feels dark are many, but even the darkness is only the absence of the Light. Our search for something better than this mess is perhaps the greatest evidence that there is something better.

One day our Shepherd will wipe our tears from our eyes and Lambs will become Lions, more than conquerors through Christ. But Today is not that day. So let us rise with Christ. We will fall, shame will knock us to the ground, but like Robin Hood in this clip (Until Lambs Become Lions) we must commit to rise and rise again. 

So Rise.

Rise and cast your shame at the cross. Rise to fight for those still without their Shepherd. This summer I began to realize that I was tired of being down. So I commit. I commit to, by his grace alone, rise again each time I fall. I pray that we could all be Christians who rise again. That we could join together to fight for those who cannot fight for themselves. That we would bring the Lambs to the Shepherd. 

Rise Again,

                 

            Addict, enslaved by sin, our chains have been broken for us.

Rise again, You, who see no beauty in the mirror, we have beauty worth dying for.

Rise again, Mother, showering in guilt, Jesus paid it ALL.

Rise again, Slave, abused and powerless, we will fight for you. 

Rise again, Empty one, always unsatisfied, he knows your every need. 

Rise again, Orphan, afraid and alone, we will come for you.

Rise again...

Until Lambs Become Lions

The Journey is Just Beginning

I've been walking quite some time.

In fact I've been walking all my life.

Well walking not in the strictest sense of the word,

I have crawled, walked, and ran all in turn. 

The path stretched behind me doesn't make sense to me.

Clouded with pain, darkness, loneliness and tragedy.

Yet in these dark mists little lights shine brilliantly,

Faith, Hope, and Love, reappearing continually. 

The path ahead is likewise shrouded. 

Doubts, fears and uncertainty my vision have clouded

Why walk one might ask? Why not settle down?

Why travel where darkness and pain will be found?

Despite all those thoughts I choose to press on.

In this darkness I know only I do not belong.

Another wrong turn, another dead end.

Another mistake, I am lost again.

Knees scraped and bruised, from falling so oft.

I sit down, I give up, I am done, I am lost.

Through the mists of my despair a man walks to my side.

Lends a hand, says "Come with me. I'll be your guide."

In the darkness his lantern is blinding, I turn away and see, 

The path now well lit, stretched out behind me.

My heart at the lights first gleam it had leapt,

Now horror, as I saw where I'd stepped.

Through mud, and through thorns, and flowered fields too,

I'd stumbled and trampled and blundered right through.

Wounded, tricked and knocked down others on my way.

Ashamed, I wanted but could not turn away.

Even worse my guide's offer was not the first of it's kind.

All along the way I had said "Another time."

Astonished I saw what I could not explain,

My guide had followed and led anyway. 

I turned back to him, but my gaze hurried down.

I looked at my clothes ripped and torn, bloody and browned.

Without looking up I had one word - "why?"

Instead of responding we started to cry.

"My child, will you follow, I know the way!"

"Of course Dad, I'll go wherever you say."

We pick ourselves up and turn to the path ahead. 

Alas! My resolve oh how quickly it fled.

His lantern shone, but the path still wasn't clear.

My steps at first eager, were slowed by my fears.

With compassion he turned to me and said: "I can see."

And with every step I must say "I believe."

The Journey is Just Beginning.

#ImPluggingIn

Here I am, Lord send me. But first.... let me take a selfie.

Frankly, I don't even need to be sent. I have access to the whole world sitting in my pocket right now! Needing a word of encouragement? I can just browse through the Twitter feeds of my favorite mega-pastors! Haven't told anyone about Jesus recently? Simple, I have 140 characters to tell them how much I love him! Can't remember that great verse where Jesus said something pretty important? I've got my YouVersion handy! I can even give it to you in 22 different translations! My Instagram feed is equally inspiring, from #nofilter pictures of nature, to me artistically reading the Bible with an artistically foamed latte. Don't worry, I only take selfies if they have a deep quote attached to them. 

I laughed too, until...

I realized I was kind of convicted. Which did I refresh more often, my Twitter feed, or my soul? Did I put more thought into how beautiful God's creation was, or what Instagram filter would make others think it was beautiful enough to like?  In the last months, I haven't written anything on this blog. I didn't really have anything to say. But that changed as I thought about technology, social media, and Christianity today. Obviously Jesus didn't walk around Jerusalem surfing the social scene on his iScroll. I doubt the oblivious disciples hashtagged #SonOfGod when they told people about what Jesus had taught them.  And I don't think that Jesus was prophesying about Twitter when he said "Come follow me." However, the question remains, what do we do with all of this amazing technology we have access too? There is a simple answer:

"So whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do,

Do it all for the Glory of God."

~ 1 Corinthians 10:31

But what does that even mean? How do we do social media for the Glory of God? How do we use technology for the Glory of God? #wut

We're all alone together.

Riding public transit is an interesting thing. Depending on the time of day, I frequently find myself packed into a bus, uncomfortably close to complete strangers. But I think the most uncomfortable part is the absolute silence. Woe to the traveler who dares raise his voice above a low whisper. Fortunately it is easy to stay quiet when there is absolutely no one to talk to. I do manage to make this time quite productive though. I browse the bus, shopping for headphones in the sea of people drowning out the "noisy" environment, or check up on my neighbor's Instagram feed. Unfortunately when I get off of the bus it isn't much better. Just take a look around. Most people are lost in whatever song is currently playing through their headphones, and that couple over there are on a date, along with all of their friends and followers. To be fair, I have to admit I am a culprit too. After all it is a lot less awkward to throw on the headphones, avoid all strangers, in a world of my own. The thing is though, I see now that this is killing our generation. From the girl that gets 100 likes on every Instagram picture, but looks in the mirror and sees no beauty, to the kid with a 1000 followers, but no one to talk to about how he doesn't want to live anymore, somehow, we have gotten it wrong.

It seems that today we are more connected than ever before, but also much more lonely. 

Counting By Ones

Today, society is all about numbers. Really it is no wonder it is so easy to feel like a nobody. We determine value based on likes, views, profits, and followers. Let's just be honest, you are not going to break Ellen's selfie retweet record. But more seriously, in our world full of totally connected, totally lonely people, maybe we should start thinking and counting more like Jesus -- One by One. Over and over he ignores the masses and focuses on the individual. In Luke 8:40-48, Jesus stops for the one woman in the crowd who was unclean and lonely, and he calls her daughter. In John 6:9-13, Jesus finds one boy in the crowd, and uses him to feed five thousand. In Luke 22:54-62, even as he is dragged away to be beaten and crucified, he picks out Peter in the crowd, and looks straight at him as he denies him. The list goes on and on, and the point is clear. I often feel like just one in a crowd, and I think a lot of us do. Isn't it awesome to realize that Jesus counts us one by one. He knows you and he loves you. And that is one thing you can say in 140 characters that just might change the world.

Go Unplugged or Get Plugged in?

What I am definitely not trying to say is to return to the stone age. You don't need to burn your phone. You don't need to drive a horse and buggy, and you don't have to delete every social media account you possess #Overkill.

I do have a challenge for you though. If you have gotten to this point without checking Twitter, Facebook, or Instagram, you are on the right track. 

In the next week, I challenge you to do three things to start changing your approach to technology.

1. Wherever you are, Be all there.

If you're meeting someone for lunch, turn your phone off. Make the people you are around a priority. Let them know you care more about what is going on in their world, than who literally can't even right now.

2. Say it to their face.

Lets just be real, it is a lot harder to tell someone you appreciate them, that they are really good at something, or that they looked beautiful, in person, but it is also way more meaningful. Try to do this once a day.

3. Snail Mail
This one is gonna be the hardest. Think of someone you appreciate a lot, or someone that you notice is going through something hard and write them a letter this week. Let them know you care, that Jesus cares, and that you are praying for them.


I'll take the challenge with you. Comment below if you are willing to try to help the lonely feel loved. Let me know how it goes! If you want, share this blog post on Twitter with the hashtag #ImPluggingIn

Prayer:

Daddy,

It is so easy to feel lonely and worthless.

This world wants us to believe no one cares.

Remind us that you care and that you know each of us by name.

Help us to use what we have been given to share that love with the lonely.

Make us a generation who love recklessly and inconveniently.

Just like you did.

In your son's name.

Amen

My Broken Identity- Why don't I like who I am?

 Identity 1.0

A long time ago, God spoke. He spoke and there was earth. He spoke and there was light. He spoke and there was land. He spoke and there were plants.  He spoke and there were stars. He spoke and there were animals. But then, God stopped speaking. He stooped, and like a kid in a sandbox, created man and woman with his hands. 

In our creation we see our true identity --the Image of God--. But what is an image? An image is just the picture of the real thing. God never meant for us to be confused about our identity or purpose. In fact he laid it out very clearly! 

~Then God said: " Let us make man in our own image,

and in our own likeness [identity] , so that they may rule over 

the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky, over the

livestock and all the wild animals, and over all

the creatures that crawl along the ground. [purpose] ~

Genesis 1:26

So why does this identity seem so far strange? I don't feel like a ruler. I don't feel like a painting of God. Unfortunately, Identity 1.0 is broken.

Broken Identity. 

So I'll just be real. It is really hard for me to do two things. First to accept myself, second to believe that God could accept me. A snide remark in 8th grade on the way to a pool party set a course: "You're fat  and ugly you shouldn't even come."  For the next four years, my body was my enemy. From not eating to bulimia, I waged a war against my new found identity: Fat. Through girls and popularity I desperately tried to erase line after my name that said Ugly. As I faced the reality of childhood abuse, I quickly added Worthless to my resume. Throughout those years, I struggled as I tried to fit "Christian" into my identity.  I wondered: if I am "Beautifully and wonderfully made" why do I see "Ugly and Worthless" in the mirror? Attempts to change behavior fell far short of changing my heart. 

I asked how could God love me when I didn't love myself?  I concluded that "Christian" just couldn't fit into my identity. Fat, Ugly, Worthless, Broken, and a host of other qualities just didn't leave room for God. Then, the Identity Giver started working on my heart.

Yes, my identity is broken, but

so is everyone's. In Genesis 3, immediately after Adam and Eve bite into the forbidden fruit, something strange happens. 

~Then their eyes were opened, and they realized they were naked~

Gen 3:7a

So either Adam and Eve are the two most oblivious people on the planet, or there is more to that verse than "Uh-oh, we aren't wearing clothes lets go make some." If that were true, it wouldn't make sense that after making clothes, they hide. When asked by God why they are hiding, the response is "I'm naked". The fact is, that for the first time, Adam and Eve felt shame about their bodies. And since that day we have never really stopped feeling that shame. 

It is fascinating to me that the first negative thing ever felt was something that still today is destroying so many lives. To say that one verse fixed me would be a lie. But as I read that I realized that as humans we will feel shame about our appearance. I couldn't avoid it. So how would I deal with it?

This Clay Jar

~But we have this treasure in jars of clay. 

To show that the

all-surpassing power comes from God, not from us. 

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed.

Perplexed, but not in despair. 

Persecuted, but not forsaken.

Cast down but not destroyed.~

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

It took a long time for this to sink in. Matter of fact I'm still working on it. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the perfect body. To this day I'll look in the mirror and think something to the effect of  "Not good enough." 

But I am trying to find the beauty in my imperfection. this post won't solve your self-image issues, and nothing you read will. But realizing that through my imperfections, Jesus can shine more brightly, just might.

Clay jars aren't the prettiest, they crack easily. But the light of Christ shines brightest through my cracks. Wow, that is worded so well. The power to overcome your issues, from eating-disorders, to pornography, to seeking fulfillment in relationships, is from God. We can stop trying and start relying.

As we do, culture will press hard on every side. But it won't crush the truth. You will be perplexed by the way you feel, but not in despair as you hope for healing, and the day all things are made new. Persecuted, by temptation and a culture that hates what you stand for, but never forsaken by the Giver of Identity. You will be cast down, as you and I fail to rely and fall back into our sins, but never destroyed. Because me and Paul are both persuaded that 

~neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, 

neither things present nor things to come, 

neither height nor depth, 

nor any other created thing 

will be able to separate us from the love of God 

which is in Jesus Christ our Lord.~

Romans 8:38-39

Identity 2.0

Hey you. Yea you. Jesus loves you. He accepts you just how you are. With all you failures, and all of the identities that you and others have assigned to you. Don't get me wrong, God hates our sin. But as a much wiser man than me said, "God accepts you where you are, but he wants to take you further." He will take you home, don't expect to "have it together"  this side of heaven, taking peace in the fact that He has given us the only identity with any eternal value: loved and redeemed. 

So what now? 

First realize that in some way we all struggle with identity. There are no exceptions. 

Second pray that you could find the beauty in the redemption of our broken identity. Let God shape your life around the identity he has given you.

As you look into the mirror, read the scale, look at your brokenness, or examine your sin know that you are loved. But also have hope and confidence that he will take you further.  

Welcome, brothers and sisters, to Identity 2.0.

A prayer:

Lover of my soul, Giver of Identity

hear the cry of my heart to you. 

I often feel so worthless, so ugly, so fat, so _______.

I fail to put the identity you gave me first. 

Forgive me.

Remind me each day that you are the Giver of Identity.

On this earth I am broken, but let your glory shine 

 brightly and brilliantly in my weaknesses. 

Help me believe you accept me,

and accept that you want to change me. 

I want to stop trying and start relying. 

Thank you that I am never alone. 

I can't wait for the day you make all things new. 

Until that day I live for you.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Not My Testimony.

Testimony....great.

Every time I hear someone say "Hey man, tell me your testimony" I freak out a little bit inside. Maybe that is because it seems like they just asked me for my life story, a detailed list of my failures and my flaws. Yes like every average christian testimony mine has some sweet redemption, but I have to be honest, I am often afraid of how my testimony will come across. It is almost comical how self-conscious I am about it. The person before me shares there story and I start thinking my story isn't as cool as theirs, or it is more shameful than theirs. As a result, I sadly often just keep it to myself. 

Then I realized what the problem is.

Turns out, I am looking at testimony totally wrong. I usually view it as my story, full of  my mistakes, my heartache, and  my pain. Consequently, because it is all about me, It's my rep that is on the line. Giving my testimony becomes a story about my performance. And I'll just let you all in on a secret....the story of my performance would not make a good read. When my testimony is a story about what I've done and how I've improved, I am probably making the right decision by keeping it to myself.

But that is not my testimony.

To make it simple: my testimony has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Jesus. 
It is not the story of my life.... It is the story of what happened when I met Jesus. 
Not the story of what I did when I met Jesus... It is the story of what Jesus did when he met me.
And then Luke 8:39 hit me.

"~Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.~ 

And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much 

Jesus had done for him"

Dude's got testimony skillz.

Or maybe he just understood. Understood that he had been demon possessed running around naked in the tombs (and I think my issues are embarrassing). Understood that he would never have gotten rid of them on his own. Understood that a man named Jesus walked up and healed him. A lot like me he was looking for the easy way out. "Just take me with you!" he pleaded. "No, go share your testimony." Jesus replied. This is where me and him are different. You see he understood. If this was me the last half of the verse would go something like this:

"And he went away, keeping the story to himself,

because he didn't think he had performed very well."

Did I mention this guy Understood? He didn't just "return home and declare it", he proclaimed it to the whole city. Not the story of what he had done, but what Jesus had done for him.

I still wince when I hear "testimony",

but at least now I can stop and remember this story. Forget about what I've done and get excited about what Jesus did for me. It will take time and I won't be perfect, but I am starting to understand. I hope and pray that we can stop thinking about how good our story sounds. That we can tell people about the miracles he has done DESPITE of our "best efforts." That we can go be his light, and stop worrying about how brightly ours is shining.

In, through, and by his love,

Josh

Two word testimony tool!

I don't know about you guys, but the whole "I need to tell you my life story!" testimony is kind of daunting. 

So here is a cool tool I picked up from the U of I Navigators:

Think of two words. The first word is something you were before Jesus. The second is something you are because of Jesus.

Classic Examples:                                   Dead----------Alive

                                                              Lost-----------Found

                                                            Hopeless-------Hopeful

                                                            Selfish----------Selfless

Think of your own! Take your time! Make it personal! Then when someone asks for your testimony or you get a chance to witness give them two words :)

It really makes them curious and it helps generate natural discussion!

My two word testimony:                        Alone---------Home

Ask me about it sometime :)

Feel free to comment with YOUR TWO WORDS!

Not Feeling It

All too often,

I find myself in a dilemma. My heart just won't seem to buy in to the things I know are true. I know the truth, but my feelings don't support it. I know in my head the right things to do, but honestly don't have a desire to do them. Inevitably I begin to wonder "Am I missing something?"  Maybe you've been there too. When I get there I tend to examine my motives, put more time into my "Good Christian things." But at the end of all my efforts, my heart still leans toward doubt, fear, and shame. The truth is, sometimes I'm just not feeling it.

Looking for answers,

I often turn to look at other people. People whose passion, love, and zeal for God seems unlimited and never ending. From biblical heroes, to the passionate Christians I know, to the people making tidal waves for God in the world today. But without fail, I find that every Christian I elevate to be some kind of hero, just makes me realize how widespread a problem this is. The man after God's own heart, David, questions in words more eloquent than mine:

Why are you down cast, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? (Psalm 42:5)

Seems to me like some days, the man after God's own heart was just not feeling it. And no matter whom I ask, there is not a man or woman I have met that can claim to always be content with their relationship with God. 

It seems universally human,

this downward spiral of the heart and feelings. But the real question is how do feelings stack up to truth. As Jeremiah puts it:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. 

Who can understand it" (Jeremiah 17:9)

Maybe then, the heart and feelings are not the best barometer of what is actually going on. And  if salvation is based on the condition of our heart, then no one is saved. Thankfully, it has a much better foundation.

"For by grace ye are saved through faith, not of yourselves. 

It is the gift of God." (Eph 2:8)

So now what?

Last I checked, this side of heaven my heart will always be wicked. There will always be days when my passion for God is less than I would wish. There will be times my prayer seems like a weird conversation with myself, and God's word like a Chinese novel. But I don't want to let my heart deceive me anymore. I challenge us to remember what is true, that our salvation was never based on our strength, passion, righteousness, or dedication. Let's choose to rely on God's love for us, not our love for him. Together let's live in the grace he gave, hoping patiently for the day when our love, and our relationship with God, will be perfect. The day our hearts can't deceive us anymore. Until then, when we aren't feeling it, keep living it.

A Prayer:

God,

There are times when I'm not really feeling it. Times when I'm not really feeling you.

I know that I love you, and more importantly I know that you love me.

Help me to live by grace, and not be deceived into thinking my feelings can change the truth.

I choose to follow you even when my feelings aren't buying into it.

Give me strength, and transform my heart to love you more each day.

I can't wait til the day that you bring me home and my love for you is perfect.

Until then I hope and live for you.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Marriage

The title "Marriage" really gets your attention.

Maybe it is because marriage is kind of a big deal. I mean from everything going on today to define marriage as this or that, to determining who, when, why, and where you are marrying, we can't get enough advice. 

Unfortunately,  this post will not answer those questions. On second thought, maybe that is a good thing. (I am definitely not the person you should be getting marriage advice from.) However, my brother just got married!! And I just wanted to share what I learned through it.

First: God is a healer.

I knew this already. But it sank in as I saw my brother taking his vows. The brother standing their was not the same brother I had a year ago. The sister well....I didn't have her a year ago at all. As I watched their engagement I couldn't help but be disgusted. :) but more seriously I couldn't help but be amazed. I saw God bring together two broken people from two broken families, and use them to heal not only each other, but others around them.

Second: Marriage really isn't about the people getting married.

My brother's wedding service was on Luke 15, one of my favorite passages in the bible. More specifically, it was about the prodigal son. At first you might think "Great choice guys, a story about an unfaithful son who runs off to spend money on hookers and partying. Well played." In actuality I think it is the perfect passage. 

It shows the relationship between God and us... his children. He loves us so much that even when we come to him having kind of directly abused his provision and love for us through our sin, he is so excited he throws a party. For a long time I have "known" that marriage is an analogy of the Jesus relationship to the church. But this story really explains that. For me that means that if I get married, I have to love to the point where even when I am completely justified in withholding my love, as the father in the story was, I don't. There will be other times when I am more like the son. I am in the wrong and I have to humble myself and apologize. 

Third: Prayer changes things.

A common expression with powerful implications. In Matthew 21:22 Jesus says that if we believe, we will receive what we ask for. Verses like this are often abused, and I'm not saying pray for a house, car and your next outfit. I am just saying that I believe in prayer, and that our God hears it. I have seen my family overcome a lot, change a lot, and I believe with my whole heart that only God could have done that. There are always going to be days when we feel like we are praying to a wall. Let's just be honest about that. 

There will be things you can't get through on your own. Marriage is one of them. I am just thankful we don't have to.

Finally,

Marriage is a hot topic among young Christians. I mean I'll admit, it's kind of important and life changing. It is a commitment for life, and most of us want a happy one. Again I don't have answers, but I know who does. As one of my favorite artists wrote "I'm just another beggar pointing y'all to where the bread is." The most important thing has to be Jesus. Not your girlfriend, your fiancee or even your wife. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. My parent's marriage and my brother's marriage taught me that, and whether you are single or married, I challenge you to put him in his rightful place. He is a pretty good matchmaker and he can help you love like you alone couldn't. Also pray til you are blue in the face. (Luke 18:1-8).
Also Congrats Drew and Taryn. I love you both so much and am so confident in the work God will do through you.

With love,

Josh

P.S. for any of you that are interested, here is a link to a song I wrote for Drew and Taryn. It is a rough recording that I just made but I know a couple people wanted one so here it is! 

Two To One (Stripped)