Is There Healing for this Broken Heart?

I Too,  Have a Dream

or 

Is There Healing for this Broken Heart?

I too, have a dream. It lurks just below the surface of my conscience, where my mind dares not often go. My dream is like a wild horse tied in a stable, a warrior bed-ridden, a mighty man bound in shackles and chains.. It cries “Freedom!” but remains in bondage.
Its beauty is unparalleled, its strength unrivaled, its wildness intoxicating.

It is a dream of revival and purpose, of passion and redemption. 

A dream where amid the trials I know I am his possession.

A dream of absolute confidence in a love unshakable.

A dream of believing that his mercy is truly unchangeable.

A dream of a greater calling, joining the redemption story. 

A dream of a life living fanatically for his glory.

A dream where my addictions, abuse, and anger fade away.

A dream where I  finally feel something when I pray.

A dream in which my life is devoted to a cause greater than myself. 

A dream where justice, freedom, and passion swell.

A dream in which my own inadequacy is forgotten, and God’s grace is my all. 

A dream of a life consumed by the gospel.

Oh, to be Wild at Heart, to love deeply, and to seek God desperately. 

Even as these words spill onto paper, the wild horse tenses each muscle, the warrior sharpens his sword, and the strong man strains at his bonds. Is today the day? Will my dream become reality? Not today.

This dream screams danger to my soul. In its ravishing beauty it brings cold chills to my heart. It is simultaneously my deepest craving and my darkest fear.
To be that which I am not. To feel that which I do not. It cannot be. I cannot be.

My dream remains bound by fear, doubt and uncertainty. 

Can I really love deeply, and feel emotionally, or will such healing not be realized this side of heaven?

These thoughts arise when I pull back the curtains for just a glimpse of my dream. The sight of this wild, beautiful, and dangerous faith evokes more questions than I can answer. So the dream waits, hoping that one day it can shake out its mane, draw its sword, and break its chains. I long to set it free, I long for a place in which that identity is mine. But for now I wait.

Someday, I am promised, He will trade "beauty for ashes, joy for mourning, praise for heaviness" (1). Til then, I hope and expect to see his goodness "in the land of the living." (2)

Perhaps, the stallion even now is loosed, and begins to take its first steps in freedom. By chance, even the warrior might have left his bed, and donned his armor. Oh my hope, that the strong man has been loosed from his chains. 

Perhaps my dream is waiting to be freed? 

Or maybe, just maybe, my life is becoming my dream.

"Who the Son sets free is free indeed." (3)  

Perhaps it is time I believed? 

Today I can embrace that I am a "new creation" (4) and am truly free from everything but God's possession. Free from my sin, my shame, my addictions, my lust, my guilt, my past, my future, and my fears. All lays conquered at the foot of the cross. This fear and doubt, this refusal to live free is more than a bad habit. It is sin. 

If I doubt my freedom, I doubt the adequacy of the cross. 

Thank God for his mercy. Today I will live free.

Tomorrow I may forget, but his grace is enough.

Now then brothers and sisters stand firm. For freedom he set us free. We must not submit again to the bondage of sin. (5)

As Dr. King said long ago, "Let Freedom Ring."

(1) Isaiah 61:3

(2) Psalm 27:13

(3) John 8:36
(4) 2 Corinthians 5:17

(5) Galatians 5:1