Not Feeling It

All too often,

I find myself in a dilemma. My heart just won't seem to buy in to the things I know are true. I know the truth, but my feelings don't support it. I know in my head the right things to do, but honestly don't have a desire to do them. Inevitably I begin to wonder "Am I missing something?"  Maybe you've been there too. When I get there I tend to examine my motives, put more time into my "Good Christian things." But at the end of all my efforts, my heart still leans toward doubt, fear, and shame. The truth is, sometimes I'm just not feeling it.

Looking for answers,

I often turn to look at other people. People whose passion, love, and zeal for God seems unlimited and never ending. From biblical heroes, to the passionate Christians I know, to the people making tidal waves for God in the world today. But without fail, I find that every Christian I elevate to be some kind of hero, just makes me realize how widespread a problem this is. The man after God's own heart, David, questions in words more eloquent than mine:

Why are you down cast, O my soul? And why are you disquieted within me? (Psalm 42:5)

Seems to me like some days, the man after God's own heart was just not feeling it. And no matter whom I ask, there is not a man or woman I have met that can claim to always be content with their relationship with God. 

It seems universally human,

this downward spiral of the heart and feelings. But the real question is how do feelings stack up to truth. As Jeremiah puts it:

"The heart is deceitful above all things, and desperately wicked. 

Who can understand it" (Jeremiah 17:9)

Maybe then, the heart and feelings are not the best barometer of what is actually going on. And  if salvation is based on the condition of our heart, then no one is saved. Thankfully, it has a much better foundation.

"For by grace ye are saved through faith, not of yourselves. 

It is the gift of God." (Eph 2:8)

So now what?

Last I checked, this side of heaven my heart will always be wicked. There will always be days when my passion for God is less than I would wish. There will be times my prayer seems like a weird conversation with myself, and God's word like a Chinese novel. But I don't want to let my heart deceive me anymore. I challenge us to remember what is true, that our salvation was never based on our strength, passion, righteousness, or dedication. Let's choose to rely on God's love for us, not our love for him. Together let's live in the grace he gave, hoping patiently for the day when our love, and our relationship with God, will be perfect. The day our hearts can't deceive us anymore. Until then, when we aren't feeling it, keep living it.

A Prayer:

God,

There are times when I'm not really feeling it. Times when I'm not really feeling you.

I know that I love you, and more importantly I know that you love me.

Help me to live by grace, and not be deceived into thinking my feelings can change the truth.

I choose to follow you even when my feelings aren't buying into it.

Give me strength, and transform my heart to love you more each day.

I can't wait til the day that you bring me home and my love for you is perfect.

Until then I hope and live for you.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Marriage

The title "Marriage" really gets your attention.

Maybe it is because marriage is kind of a big deal. I mean from everything going on today to define marriage as this or that, to determining who, when, why, and where you are marrying, we can't get enough advice. 

Unfortunately,  this post will not answer those questions. On second thought, maybe that is a good thing. (I am definitely not the person you should be getting marriage advice from.) However, my brother just got married!! And I just wanted to share what I learned through it.

First: God is a healer.

I knew this already. But it sank in as I saw my brother taking his vows. The brother standing their was not the same brother I had a year ago. The sister well....I didn't have her a year ago at all. As I watched their engagement I couldn't help but be disgusted. :) but more seriously I couldn't help but be amazed. I saw God bring together two broken people from two broken families, and use them to heal not only each other, but others around them.

Second: Marriage really isn't about the people getting married.

My brother's wedding service was on Luke 15, one of my favorite passages in the bible. More specifically, it was about the prodigal son. At first you might think "Great choice guys, a story about an unfaithful son who runs off to spend money on hookers and partying. Well played." In actuality I think it is the perfect passage. 

It shows the relationship between God and us... his children. He loves us so much that even when we come to him having kind of directly abused his provision and love for us through our sin, he is so excited he throws a party. For a long time I have "known" that marriage is an analogy of the Jesus relationship to the church. But this story really explains that. For me that means that if I get married, I have to love to the point where even when I am completely justified in withholding my love, as the father in the story was, I don't. There will be other times when I am more like the son. I am in the wrong and I have to humble myself and apologize. 

Third: Prayer changes things.

A common expression with powerful implications. In Matthew 21:22 Jesus says that if we believe, we will receive what we ask for. Verses like this are often abused, and I'm not saying pray for a house, car and your next outfit. I am just saying that I believe in prayer, and that our God hears it. I have seen my family overcome a lot, change a lot, and I believe with my whole heart that only God could have done that. There are always going to be days when we feel like we are praying to a wall. Let's just be honest about that. 

There will be things you can't get through on your own. Marriage is one of them. I am just thankful we don't have to.

Finally,

Marriage is a hot topic among young Christians. I mean I'll admit, it's kind of important and life changing. It is a commitment for life, and most of us want a happy one. Again I don't have answers, but I know who does. As one of my favorite artists wrote "I'm just another beggar pointing y'all to where the bread is." The most important thing has to be Jesus. Not your girlfriend, your fiancee or even your wife. Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. My parent's marriage and my brother's marriage taught me that, and whether you are single or married, I challenge you to put him in his rightful place. He is a pretty good matchmaker and he can help you love like you alone couldn't. Also pray til you are blue in the face. (Luke 18:1-8).
Also Congrats Drew and Taryn. I love you both so much and am so confident in the work God will do through you.

With love,

Josh

P.S. for any of you that are interested, here is a link to a song I wrote for Drew and Taryn. It is a rough recording that I just made but I know a couple people wanted one so here it is! 

Two To One (Stripped)