My Broken Identity- Why don't I like who I am?

 Identity 1.0

A long time ago, God spoke. He spoke and there was earth. He spoke and there was light. He spoke and there was land. He spoke and there were plants.  He spoke and there were stars. He spoke and there were animals. But then, God stopped speaking. He stooped, and like a kid in a sandbox, created man and woman with his hands. 

In our creation we see our true identity --the Image of God--. But what is an image? An image is just the picture of the real thing. God never meant for us to be confused about our identity or purpose. In fact he laid it out very clearly! 

~Then God said: " Let us make man in our own image,

and in our own likeness [identity] , so that they may rule over 

the fish in the sea, and the birds in the sky, over the

livestock and all the wild animals, and over all

the creatures that crawl along the ground. [purpose] ~

Genesis 1:26

So why does this identity seem so far strange? I don't feel like a ruler. I don't feel like a painting of God. Unfortunately, Identity 1.0 is broken.

Broken Identity. 

So I'll just be real. It is really hard for me to do two things. First to accept myself, second to believe that God could accept me. A snide remark in 8th grade on the way to a pool party set a course: "You're fat  and ugly you shouldn't even come."  For the next four years, my body was my enemy. From not eating to bulimia, I waged a war against my new found identity: Fat. Through girls and popularity I desperately tried to erase line after my name that said Ugly. As I faced the reality of childhood abuse, I quickly added Worthless to my resume. Throughout those years, I struggled as I tried to fit "Christian" into my identity.  I wondered: if I am "Beautifully and wonderfully made" why do I see "Ugly and Worthless" in the mirror? Attempts to change behavior fell far short of changing my heart. 

I asked how could God love me when I didn't love myself?  I concluded that "Christian" just couldn't fit into my identity. Fat, Ugly, Worthless, Broken, and a host of other qualities just didn't leave room for God. Then, the Identity Giver started working on my heart.

Yes, my identity is broken, but

so is everyone's. In Genesis 3, immediately after Adam and Eve bite into the forbidden fruit, something strange happens. 

~Then their eyes were opened, and they realized they were naked~

Gen 3:7a

So either Adam and Eve are the two most oblivious people on the planet, or there is more to that verse than "Uh-oh, we aren't wearing clothes lets go make some." If that were true, it wouldn't make sense that after making clothes, they hide. When asked by God why they are hiding, the response is "I'm naked". The fact is, that for the first time, Adam and Eve felt shame about their bodies. And since that day we have never really stopped feeling that shame. 

It is fascinating to me that the first negative thing ever felt was something that still today is destroying so many lives. To say that one verse fixed me would be a lie. But as I read that I realized that as humans we will feel shame about our appearance. I couldn't avoid it. So how would I deal with it?

This Clay Jar

~But we have this treasure in jars of clay. 

To show that the

all-surpassing power comes from God, not from us. 

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed.

Perplexed, but not in despair. 

Persecuted, but not forsaken.

Cast down but not destroyed.~

2 Corinthians 4:7-9

It took a long time for this to sink in. Matter of fact I'm still working on it. I'll be the first to admit I don't have the perfect body. To this day I'll look in the mirror and think something to the effect of  "Not good enough." 

But I am trying to find the beauty in my imperfection. this post won't solve your self-image issues, and nothing you read will. But realizing that through my imperfections, Jesus can shine more brightly, just might.

Clay jars aren't the prettiest, they crack easily. But the light of Christ shines brightest through my cracks. Wow, that is worded so well. The power to overcome your issues, from eating-disorders, to pornography, to seeking fulfillment in relationships, is from God. We can stop trying and start relying.

As we do, culture will press hard on every side. But it won't crush the truth. You will be perplexed by the way you feel, but not in despair as you hope for healing, and the day all things are made new. Persecuted, by temptation and a culture that hates what you stand for, but never forsaken by the Giver of Identity. You will be cast down, as you and I fail to rely and fall back into our sins, but never destroyed. Because me and Paul are both persuaded that 

~neither death nor life, neither angels nor principalities nor powers, 

neither things present nor things to come, 

neither height nor depth, 

nor any other created thing 

will be able to separate us from the love of God 

which is in Jesus Christ our Lord.~

Romans 8:38-39

Identity 2.0

Hey you. Yea you. Jesus loves you. He accepts you just how you are. With all you failures, and all of the identities that you and others have assigned to you. Don't get me wrong, God hates our sin. But as a much wiser man than me said, "God accepts you where you are, but he wants to take you further." He will take you home, don't expect to "have it together"  this side of heaven, taking peace in the fact that He has given us the only identity with any eternal value: loved and redeemed. 

So what now? 

First realize that in some way we all struggle with identity. There are no exceptions. 

Second pray that you could find the beauty in the redemption of our broken identity. Let God shape your life around the identity he has given you.

As you look into the mirror, read the scale, look at your brokenness, or examine your sin know that you are loved. But also have hope and confidence that he will take you further.  

Welcome, brothers and sisters, to Identity 2.0.

A prayer:

Lover of my soul, Giver of Identity

hear the cry of my heart to you. 

I often feel so worthless, so ugly, so fat, so _______.

I fail to put the identity you gave me first. 

Forgive me.

Remind me each day that you are the Giver of Identity.

On this earth I am broken, but let your glory shine 

 brightly and brilliantly in my weaknesses. 

Help me believe you accept me,

and accept that you want to change me. 

I want to stop trying and start relying. 

Thank you that I am never alone. 

I can't wait for the day you make all things new. 

Until that day I live for you.

In Jesus name,

Amen

Not My Testimony.

Testimony....great.

Every time I hear someone say "Hey man, tell me your testimony" I freak out a little bit inside. Maybe that is because it seems like they just asked me for my life story, a detailed list of my failures and my flaws. Yes like every average christian testimony mine has some sweet redemption, but I have to be honest, I am often afraid of how my testimony will come across. It is almost comical how self-conscious I am about it. The person before me shares there story and I start thinking my story isn't as cool as theirs, or it is more shameful than theirs. As a result, I sadly often just keep it to myself. 

Then I realized what the problem is.

Turns out, I am looking at testimony totally wrong. I usually view it as my story, full of  my mistakes, my heartache, and  my pain. Consequently, because it is all about me, It's my rep that is on the line. Giving my testimony becomes a story about my performance. And I'll just let you all in on a secret....the story of my performance would not make a good read. When my testimony is a story about what I've done and how I've improved, I am probably making the right decision by keeping it to myself.

But that is not my testimony.

To make it simple: my testimony has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with Jesus. 
It is not the story of my life.... It is the story of what happened when I met Jesus. 
Not the story of what I did when I met Jesus... It is the story of what Jesus did when he met me.
And then Luke 8:39 hit me.

"~Return to your home, and declare how much God has done for you.~ 

And he went away, proclaiming throughout the whole city how much 

Jesus had done for him"

Dude's got testimony skillz.

Or maybe he just understood. Understood that he had been demon possessed running around naked in the tombs (and I think my issues are embarrassing). Understood that he would never have gotten rid of them on his own. Understood that a man named Jesus walked up and healed him. A lot like me he was looking for the easy way out. "Just take me with you!" he pleaded. "No, go share your testimony." Jesus replied. This is where me and him are different. You see he understood. If this was me the last half of the verse would go something like this:

"And he went away, keeping the story to himself,

because he didn't think he had performed very well."

Did I mention this guy Understood? He didn't just "return home and declare it", he proclaimed it to the whole city. Not the story of what he had done, but what Jesus had done for him.

I still wince when I hear "testimony",

but at least now I can stop and remember this story. Forget about what I've done and get excited about what Jesus did for me. It will take time and I won't be perfect, but I am starting to understand. I hope and pray that we can stop thinking about how good our story sounds. That we can tell people about the miracles he has done DESPITE of our "best efforts." That we can go be his light, and stop worrying about how brightly ours is shining.

In, through, and by his love,

Josh

Two word testimony tool!

I don't know about you guys, but the whole "I need to tell you my life story!" testimony is kind of daunting. 

So here is a cool tool I picked up from the U of I Navigators:

Think of two words. The first word is something you were before Jesus. The second is something you are because of Jesus.

Classic Examples:                                   Dead----------Alive

                                                              Lost-----------Found

                                                            Hopeless-------Hopeful

                                                            Selfish----------Selfless

Think of your own! Take your time! Make it personal! Then when someone asks for your testimony or you get a chance to witness give them two words :)

It really makes them curious and it helps generate natural discussion!

My two word testimony:                        Alone---------Home

Ask me about it sometime :)

Feel free to comment with YOUR TWO WORDS!